if you had a twin i would still choose you
by donutworry
Summary: Kai is an outspoken jerk. Bonnie is a shy nerd. It works.


**Bonkai. Fluff. AH AU. Humor. Mildest angst bc I apparently can't help myself. Motivated by a conversation gone terribly awry that I had with thenameismaynard on Tumblr (keenan24 on ffn, I believe). Anyway, the prompt we hijacked was "Person A shuffles nervously around at a party. Person B startles them with a 'Hello, glad you could make it. I'll be your designated extrovert for the evening if you could please follow me.'"**

 **I'm not going to tell you the song the title came from - if you don't know, I'm disappointed in you. Also Funyuns vs Hot Fries/Cheetos is an actual ongoing debate between myself and my SO. I'm team Cheetos and he's team Funyucks. No beta, all mistakes are mine and I wrote this while fairly tipsy, so there's probs quite a few.**

 **Happy Valentine's Day!**

* * *

" _Okay, so…" Kai pauses, considering his words. "Right, so Funyuns. It all starts over a bag of Funyuns."_

" _Funyuns?" a disbelieving voice queries._

" _That's what I said," Kai answers. "Anyway, you know how I teach little kids piano for this after school program? Well, one day, I was just desperately craving Funyuns, so I go mug the vending machine."_

.o.0.0.o.

Kai groans, irritated at the stupid snack machine that ate his money _again_. With a sigh, the tall man looks up and down the hallway before proceeding to kick in the fucktarded money-stealing vendor. It's an older model, not one of those futuristic ones that locks up tighter than a nun, so eventually the force of his kicks causes his bag of Funyuns _and_ a honey bun to fall into the receptacle. The hungry grad student takes both treats and makes his way back to the music room.

He's an adult volunteer at Whitmore's elementary school every Tuesday and Wednesday. It was something he started doing two years ago as an undergrad because it looked good on a resume, but then kept up with because fuck him, he actually liked the way little faces lit up when they realized what their grubby little hands could do. It was cute.

Also, Whitmore elementary had it's very own teacher bae and no lie, Kai was trying to hit.

Tucking the honey bun in his jacket pocket and opening his Funyuns, Kai takes the long way back to the music room. It was break time for the kiddies, they were all munching on healthy snacks before pick-up, which Kai always used as an opportunity to grab his own junk food. And to pass by Miss Bennett's classroom.

Bonnie Bennett a.k.a. Kai's personal hot teacher fantasy and reason number one Kai still volunteered at Augustine-Whitmore Elementary School. She taught third grade science and she had a smile like the sun and hips like a hula dancer and just seeing her made Kai's day better. She was one of the science tutors for students who needed extra help before testing days, so she had her own room full of brats when he passed by her brightly decorated doorway.

Most of the kids are chatting and eating their apples and crackers, so Bonnie's attention gets pulled to him when he pauses at her door and boom. There it is. The sun.

Kai grins back and waves her over and Bonnie casts a look around her classroom before coming to greet him. She wrinkles her nose at his chips.

"Funyuns, Kai?" she asks in disbelief. "The vending machine has hot Cheetos with lime and you went for Funyuns?"

"If I wanted to eat sawdust," Kai replies. "I'd be a carpenter."

Bonnie scoffs at his snappy comeback and Kai's smile grows before he very deliberately fishes a big ring out of his bag and bites into it, crunching with a relish. Teacher bae's face grows disgusted and she looks over her shoulder at her kids before looking back to him.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Caroline and Nora in the music room, onion breath?"

"They can handle twenty kids on their own," he states. He leans back on the doorframe. "Speaking of our mutual friend, Caroline, are you going to her party on Friday? It's off campus, and I know you don't have a ton of homework to grade on Fridays."

Bonnie shuffles nervously. "I'm not really a party person. And it's a college party -"

"A grad student party," Kai corrects. "And you live with Caroline. You'd be pretty much the same age as everyone else in attendance Bonnie, it's not like you'd be the odd one out. 'Sides," he crunches on the dregs of his chips. "I though Care-bear was one of your besties."

The science teacher purses her lips at him. "She is. That's not the point. I'm just...not big on parties."

The volunteer tutor hides his disappointment by tipping the Funyun bag into his open mouth to catch crumbs. Bonnie sighs in disgust and Kai ends up smirking at her as he bundles up the empty bag and puts it in the trash.

"Tell you what, Ms. Hot-sawdust-with-lime," his heart races when Bonnie shoves him half-heartedly. "If you decide to come out of your shell, I'll be your party-buddy okay?"

He starts to walk away, backwards, so he can still see her face as he fake pouts. "You won't let me down, right Bonster? Be my party-buddy?"

Teacher bae rolls her eyes and smiles. More sunshine for Kai.

"Fine. I'll see you Friday."

And just like that, Kai's Wednesday afternoon was a lot brighter.

.o.0.0.o.

"Oh. My. God!" Caroline squeals. "It's a date."

"It's not a date."

"It sounds like a date," Nora speaks up, glancing up from her phone long enough to smirk at Bonnie. The shorter girl scowls at her roommates for ganging up on her. They were all sitting around the living room in their PJs with their respective snacks and Caroline's Netflix queue up since it was her turn to control the big T.V. The blonde was a huge Shondaland fangirl, so they were watching _How to Get Away With Murder_. It was paused when Caroline demanded for Bonnie to tell her why Kai was all smiles after his snack run and Bonnie looked helplessly at Viola Davis's unimpressed face.

"Guys, it's _not_ a date. I was going anyway, Care invited me."

"Yeah, so you could get laid! And Kai is practically front row of the class, waving his hand around, screaming 'pick me, pick me, Miss Bennett' and you're still insisting it's not a date."

"Because it isn't!"

Two pairs of cornflower colored eyes look at her in disbelief.

"He's my friend. He's your friend - you invited him too!"

"Oh my god," Nora muttered at the same time Caroline sputters. "Bonnie, honey, Kai is _our_ friend, but he's not yours."

"Yes, he is!"

"He looks at you like a shark smelling blood in the water!" Caroline bursts, having finished short-circuiting. Nora puts her phone down to nod in solidarity of the blonde.

"He wants to fuck you," she says plainly and Caroline sweeps her hand at the pretty brunette.

"Thank you! And you need it after the Jeremy mess. Besides, I've heard around campus that Kai's pretty good with the," she makes a catcall whistle.

Bonnie buries her face in her hands and braces herself for a long night. She should have grabbed some wine to go with her lime hot Cheetos.

.o.0.0.o.

Bonnie blanches at the sight of club's V.I.P. room. It was huge, and per usual for Caroline, who had no sense of limitations when it came to blow-outs, packed with people and free-flowing liquor. It was Caroline's annual Bloody Valentine party, a sort of weird horror-themed anti-Valentine's ball - it made no sense for Care to throw it considering her boo'd up status with Klaus Mikaelson, but "it's tradition, Bonnie!"

The green-eyed beauty leans back against the wall carefully so her roommates wouldn't yell at her about messing up the hairstyle they did for her. Sipping on her Love Potion drink and watching as writhing bodies got down to Nora's _No Scrubs_ remix, Bonnie can't help the flare of disappointment she feels when she's unable to spot Kai anywhere.

He had to have known she was around - Caroline had stepped up to the mic earlier to play host and introduce Nora as DJ Heartbreaker. So honestly, if the whole party was made aware of her roommates' arrival half an hour ago, then surely Kai knew she was around.

 _You're kidding yourself. He's probably already drunk and with some girl. You heard Caroline, he has a repu-_

"Hello, glad you could make it," a familiar voice coos in her ear, startling her out of her thoughts. The smell of soap and fresh cologne hits her subtly. "I'll be your designated extrovert for the evening, if you could please follow me."

A warm hand wraps around hers and tugs her along to the dance floor and Bonnie inadvertently follows after Kai's tall form before realization strikes her.

"Kai?" she questions. He glances over his shoulder at her.

"Yeah, party-buddy?"

"Did you just get here?"

"Yeah," he turns around to face her and pulls her closer, taking her drink and downing the rest in one go. Bonnie is both grateful because she didn't really like it and appalled because Kai can be so obnoxiously rude sometimes. "Did you miss me?"

The question strikes a nerve and she looks away. "Not really. I just thought you might've gotten drunk and forgot we were meeting up."

"Ouch," Kai chuckles and draws her in. They start to sway together and Kai's intense gaze makes Bonnie licks her lips nervously. His stormy eyes narrow in on her mouth at the move and then darken. "I'd never forget about you, Bonster."

Her heart constricts and she bows her head.

 _He wants to fuck you._

It's not like these moments were rare between her and Kai. This...chemistry, this allure, had been there since the first time she'd met the volunteer music tutor two years ago. But back then, she'd been in a long-term relationship with Jeremy and just resisted the pull. She'd been engaged and living together with her fiance, trying to build a future with him - but then of course it fell apart when Jeremy's ex somehow drifted back into his life and he cheated on Bonnie with her. It had hurt, the disintegration of a relationship she'd held so dear for a while, but after the initial messy dissolution and heartbreak - it didn't even bother Bonnie like she thinks it should. She'd moved out of their apartment and in with her friends, had pulled herself together and worked her ass off to finish her teacher certification early and now she was employed full-time.

Last month, she saw Jeremy's announcement on Facebook about Anna's pregnancy and didn't even feel an ounce of anger.

But Kai was different. Bonnie wasn't a coward, but when it came to people and relationships, she wasn't exactly forthcoming, introverted in the extreme. All of her friends were pretty much the old ones she's had forever or the new ones who came to her. Kai was of the latter type, always popping up to tease or encourage or piss her off at any given moment, inside and outside of the halls of the elementary they gathered at weekly. His teasing words from earlier hold truth; he was her sort of designated extrovert.

This feeling like electricity, like she could get burned if she got too close, it was always there. And it scared the shit out of her, because if she let Kai happen and he turned out to be another Jeremy...

She wouldn't be so nonchalant about that. Not if this barely there, unexplored feeling was an indicator.

Suddenly, she's picked up and twirled around. A huff of laughter is shocked out of her and Kai's mischievous eyes flash up at her. He lets her down gently, but his arm stays loosely hooked around her waist, his hand just _thisclose_ to grazing her ass. It sends the intrusive thought of what his ringed fingers would feel like squeezing the globes and the spot between her legs clenches.

"There we are. How was your space trip? Did you see the rings of Saturn?"

"No, but I did have tea with a lovely Martian."

"I'm jealous," he laughs. He peers down at each other. "You want to get out of here? I mean, I love Caroline and all, but her parties are kind of O-T-T. I've got some tea at my place you might like. Some fancy rooibos my sister gave me for our birthday."

Bonnie swallows and stares up at his face, looking for any signs of deception. She knows it's not really about the tea. He knows she knows, but he's willing to pretend if she changes her mind later. He's giving her a potential escape route. Bonnie nods.

"Yeah, lets go. I'll text Care later." Kai grins at her answer and takes her hand again, leading her out of the club. Bonnie can only focus on how well his large hand fits around her small one and the stretch of his shoulders under his denim jacket as she follows him to his car.

.o.0.0.o.

It wasn't a lie. He did have some fancy rooibos tea tucked away in one of his kitchen cabinets, saved for days when Kai was feeling nostalgic for his family back in Portland and so the box was fairly untouched. He's sure Bonnie would have liked it, but the second he closes his front door, her hungry mouth was on his and Kai forgot his last name was Parker.

His hands migrate to Bonnie's hips, gripping them through her lace and sheer dress. He'd wanted to rip the barely-there pink and black fabric off and fuck her like his name was Ron Jeremy the second he saw her, but with her lips pressed to his, right now all he wants is more. More of her body on his, more of her sunshine smiles, more of her disgust with Funyuns and gross preference for hot Cheetos with lime, more of her time. Just...more Bonnie filling the spaces in his world.

Greed was probably going to be his downfall.

Hands sliding from her hips to her ass, Kai grips under her thighs and then hauls her up his body. The petite woman's legs go around his waist, her arms encircle his neck and suddenly all of Kai's senses are filled by her. He pulls away from her slightly, breathing in her oddly sweet shampoo.

"Yeah?" he breathes, before his mouth clamps around her neck and sucks.

Bonnie's answer is the sinful moan that leaves her mouth and the tightening of her limbs around his body. Her nails drag down his back, tugging his denim jacket down and Kai shrugs it off with her help. Their mouths reattach. He takes a few steps forward in the dark, towards the general direction of his bedroom, but forgets trying to navigate when Bon sucks his bottom lip between her teeth and his mouth is suddenly damp with the taste of iron.

His already hardened cock strains even more in his jeans and Kai just laughs, pushing her towards the couch because it's closer and overstuffed and just as soft as his bed anyway. Bonnie's hair is rucked, her malachite eyes are heavy-lidded and dark, and her lips swollen and painted red by the blood she lured from his mouth her sharp kiss. She sits up, watching hungrily as Kai shucks his shirt and undoes the front of his jeans, giving his dick some relief from the pressure. Her hands reach out for him, pulling him in as her crawls forward, reclining back into the cushions to give him the freedom to invade her space.

Their mouths meet again. Her dress zipper comes undone beneath his fingers. Kai follows the top's descent down her body with his tongue, leaving cool trails on her skin. Bonnie had forgone a bra that night, so he latches onto a nipple, sucking as much of her breast into his mouth as can fit, gently rubbing the other into a peak before pinching it harshly - it make her gasp and her body arch into his like a bow, both of her hands burying themselves in his hair. He smiles around the breast in his mouth, glancing up at her with mirth dancing in his eyes. Bonnie swats at his head, but Kai only shoves up the hem of her dress so that the whole thing is belted around her hips, leaving her essentially bare. He presses against her briefly, grinding their groins together teasingly.

"Fuck," Bonnie utters and Kai likes the way the curse sounds on her tongue.

The long-limbed brunette clasps the seat of her panties with his free hand, feeling the damp and twisting the thin, lacy crotch around his three of his fingers. There's a threat of removal without actually taking them off, leaving Bonnie exposed to him and the cool air of the apartment. Kai can feel the way her core flutters against his hand, makes himself comfortable in the cradle of her hips as she adjusts herself to fit him there.

Meeting her gaze, Kai deliberately slides one then two fingers, slowly into her core, fingerfucking into her leisurely. Teasing. Bonnie whimpers and it sounds like his name. The small fingers in his hair clench.

Finally releasing the brown nipple in his mouth, Kai blows a breath on it, then laughs at Bonnie's annoyed groan. The hand making a home of her sex picks up speed and then her irritated sighs melts into appreciative moans and her hands pull him back for another kiss. Thumb pressed to her clit, two then three fingers sliding in and out of Bonnie, Kai plays Bonnie's body for a few minutes until she's tensing up, wetting his hand her release and then he's smiling against her lips, nose bumping hers as he eases off on fingering her slightly to not overstimulate.

"Good?" he breathes. Bonnie nods, eyes half-lidded and dazed.

"Mmm," she hums, sliding her own hand under the band of his underwear. Kai's dick is rock hard, the picture of an orgasming Bonnie Bennett, the single hottest thing he's ever seen. Precum has left a damp spot on his boxers and his tip and Bon's thumb grazes it, smearing it. Her other hand snakes around his back, squeezing his ass before tugging down the band of his his underwear and jeans.

"Off," she demands simply and Kai nods obligingly, toeing off his shoes and socks and helping her discard his bottoms. He properly sheds her of her own clothes until at last they're both bare and flush together and then finally, _fucking finally_ , Kai is sliding inside her warmth, inside Bonnie. He does it again and again, so that they both enjoy it.

It feels good. It feels _right_. It feels like coming home.

.o.0.0.o.

It's like maybe one in the morning and after the second time they have sex when the two of them finally get up and drag themselves to Kai's bed. The next day is Saturday, so neither of them is worried about their respective classes. Kai turns on the T.V. puts on _Buffy_ , but leaves it on a low enough volume so that he can hear Bonnie's moans as he goes down on her. After her third shuddering orgasm via Kai's hungry mouth, she pushes him away with a laugh.

"I'm going to die, stop," she laughs.

"Oh no, not that," he whispers in mock horror before kissing her again. The science teacher sighs contentedly against his mouth.

Kai smirks as he pulls away, wrapping around her, head on her belly and arms under her back, both of them settling on top of the sheets to cool down. Bonnie's back is propped up slightly against the pillowed headboard, angling her to better see the T.V. while Kai acts as her human heater.

She gets oddly keyed up the longer they lie there. Kai's somewhat drowsy, watching Buffy's misadventures, but Bonnie is really fidgety. The man bites at his teacher bae's hip half-heartedly.

"Stop wiggling."

She goes still for a minute, but he can feel the energy building in her body under him. He wonders if she'll explode if she can't twitch. He frowns at the thought. He can't keep her if her guts are splattered all over his wall. Not in the way he wants to at least.

Kai raises his head to look at her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She says it too quickly and Kai narrows his eyes at her.

"Bon," he utters warningly. _Don't lie to me_ isn't said, but she hears the implication and sighs.

"This doesn't have to be awkward," she tells him. Kai stares at her. She fidgets again and he grabs her hands, stilling her movement and waiting for her to look at him. Bonnie takes a breath and meets his eyes.

"Look, I mean we're friends, right?" she asks. "I like being your friend. So this can be a one-time thing, you know? Some weekend fun and then we're friends again. No big deal"

.o.0.0.o.

It's not like Bonnie doesn't trust Kai. She does. They _are_ friends despite what Caroline and Nora think and wanting to fuck each other - having fucked each other - doesn't change that. Bonnie doesn't want it to change that. She likes having Kai in her life and she wants to keep him there, but his reputation as womanizer makes her weary and so instead of finding some way to _progress_ she panics and tries to _regress._

His face is inscrutable as he stares at her and Bonnie is painfully aware that not long ago that same handsome mug was buried between her thighs and making her scream his name. But it's about as readable as a stonewall now and so she fidgets again.

His hands tighten on hers.

"So what, you want to be friends with benefits for the weekend, then on Monday, it's business as usual?" his words are a little harsh, but he doesn't sound mad. He doesn't sound anything and it makes Bonnie nervous because she can't read him when he shuts off like this, can't tell if he's actually upset with her or considering her words.

"If you'd like," she says quietly. His stormy eyes flick over her face quickly and suddenly he stands up, naked body making her flush in remembrance and slight embarrassment before he's out of the room. She hears banging in what she thinks is probably the kitchen and she wonders if she should leave. Kai has a mean streak, she's seen it - maybe she pissed him off to the point of him wanting to look for a sharp kitchen knife. Suddenly she remembers that the CDC put out some statistics stating that one of the top killers of American women is intimate male partners and she blanches.

Before she can convince herself to run for the hills, Kai is back in the room and dropping something slightly weighted in her lap. It's an orange and green family-sized chip bag with a cheetah mascot on the front. Bonnie looks up at Kai in amazement when he plops down on the bed with her.

"I have like, a whole shelf in my pantry just full those gross ass chips. I get a bag every time I'm at the store," he explains.

Bonnie stares at him. "But...you hate hot Cheetos with lime."

"I know right?" he scoffs. "They're gross. But you love them."

Something in Bonnie's chest constricts and she stares at the naked man in front of her. She thinks she might cry. Or laugh. Something. There's a lot of feeling building up in her chest so she needs to make sure.

"You buy these for me?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" she asks softly. Kai smiles and grabs at her hand, entwining their fingers. They slot together well.

"I'm your designated extrovert right? I need my little introvert to have a function."

.o.0.0.o.

 _Jo stares at him._

" _You got together...over your chip preferences?"_

" _Yup." Kai pops the 'p'. His twin raises an eyebrow at him, a sudden mean gleam in her eye._

" _So literally, you only have a girlfriend because you're the only idiot on Earth who doesn't like lime hot Cheetos."_

" _They're gross!"_


End file.
